Fiction, and facts

So it's not old news that divorce rates have been rising since the late 60's, where it rose from .2% and by 7.1% in the late 90's, and is now at 50%! What are the causes, Can it be changed? Is love really unconditional, or is it fiction? I am accepting the challenge of exploring these questions and more threw articles, psychology, art, and societal opinions.

"I swore I'd never fall again
but this doesn't even feel like falling
gravity can't forget
to pull me back to the ground again"
-halo, beyonce.

"I thought I had it all figured out, I did
I thought I was tough enough to stick it out with Kim
but I wasn't tough enough to juggle the two things at one
I found myself laying on my knees in cuffs
which shoulda been a reason for me get my stuff and just leave"
-Say goodbye holly wood, Eminem.


What makes women susceptible to "any man is better than no man at all"? Why does it hurt when relationships end for some, and not for others? How does it seem that you are a less likely candidate, and loose to a partner that seems completely wrong? Are the games of chase, and sex wrong? How far does emotion truly influence our relationships?
How is it that the country's that are predominately christian, have the highest divorce rates? And what is the rate for standing relationships in other counrtys who do not validate mirage as a necessity. Are men truly dis-attached from sex? How do paligimst a) not get STD's and b) live 'happily ever after?'

Science has proved that the theories of "sexy" aren't completely social dominate as we take them to be. From our physical appearances to things that make us unique can cause our mate to become attracted to us. So what does this have to say about homo-sexual s? Because there is evidence to support that Homo-sexual people are 50% more likely to have siblings that are, this could support that  their wires are actually running a different path.and that it is not always a 'state of mind' that causes these individuals to become attracted to the same sex. But the better question is, that is there an external factor that is causing these fetuses to develop to this nature?

Liberties that contradict nature's ability to produce off spring has become a rising battle in the US. Do these individuals actually have 'rights' to raise a family? And can we force them to under go treatment, like we do achoholics and druggies to 'correct' their problems? Well, that's like saying only those who have the highest 'IQ' are allowed to work; not a single one of us had properly functioning motor systems. There are those among us who are fantastic at book work, and those who perform better physically. But we don't necessarily discriminate against  their ability's to perform with in society, rather we hold them to an expectation that will better their abilities. 

Just like we all have different strengths with in our motor systems, we all have immanent social strengths. As a child we have what is known as attachment styles: -secure -avoidance -ambient -& disorganized. It is important to remember that while we cannot predicate a superior motor ability, the same is with our social strengths. But this does not fall away from our ability to recognized their explicit representational consequences. Consequences that can be desired, or feared based on what we perceive the produced effect will be. 

The problem with love is that there's allot more factors that contribute to the ever lasting desire for commitment. It's more than just a fixated ability to satisfy lust, and the ambulant interpretation of emotion. 

Relief.

It finally happened after three years. Austin was brought into my life again for but a moment, and for the first time I did not regret how we ended up. I wasn't a mindless wreck, with unstable emotions. So I can finally say it is all true, I have come from the girl I was, and we can be threw. Silly that it took this to prove, it was something I already knew.

I've watched this place... how it became so fond, 

and wished it was where I belonged,

but I have developed to something far beyond.
Take me away, I feel as if I'm about to explode. I'm leaving my past, and every bit of the girl that does with it. I'm not a small town girl, and these small town games, their not my suit. I need to leave, allow myself to take that desired break of fresh brisk air.

A mind, to mind.

There's a funny correlation between our expressions and comprehensions. We learn in English class to comprise the perfect surface structure in order for our piers to inter-prate the deep structure. We explore the abstract cognition of greater intellectuals. & for some we compel those who's deep structure might threaten our ignorance.
After this I ask; what is a lie? The threats of intelligence

Boston

Emerged with a constant bustle, I observe every hustle-

The closest I have been to Europe in my life; 3255 miles across the sea. The culture has influenced the social norms of America. 2 am, I sit in discussion with Olvert, coming to know that my beliefs aren't a self fiction. 

Thoughts for food, indulge yourself in food for thought-

Indian cuisine, sushi, veggie wraps, and Bostons best: uppercrust. But good old American Chocolate Cake never tasted so good. 

Educating your priorities, and prioritizing your education-

knowledge is a net work, and net working is knowledge. 

This weekend in Boston couldn't have been more amazing! Steph and I went to dinner the first night, after desert and hooka. Next day see the city and grab a bite to eat from uppercrust. Boston has some of the best architecture in the US. # one reason to move there: the library. New out fit from H&M and some social drinks made fore a great night! After a day of cooking, our agenda is ward event (almost every Mormon is from Provo), then off to Steph's birhtday dinner for some yummy sushi! After we head to Alegahndros drop off the birthday cake and pick up the duch boys: Overt and Neike. Where I learned more about European culture, and that what I have philosophized has truth to it. # one problem of America: the government prevents, instead of regulate. # two problem of America: the worth over writes the value, inflating our cost. BUT we do have a better operation system with in our education, far more opportunistic. Sunday was spent at Harvard square and  the park. 

I'm motivated,

and that's the truth.

The moronic of perfection

 I spent my entire childhood trying to be the grown up; hoping eventually I figured it out. But mostly I have learned from the last three years that “figuring” it out, will never really happen. You just go from day to day hoping that you will not regret a single moment. Because only then you would be come imperfect; flawed in mistakes. 

Mistakes are hopes imperfections; regrets. I regret nothing, therefor I am “perfect.”  

‎"Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability." 

Bucket list .

I want to ride on a train. Drive threw the country. & know everything.

One day all these crazy things I do with my life are going to pay off. For now all I hope to do is make the most of them.

The truth to truth

 I feel like I have Alzheimer’s at the age of 20. When I was watching Steven Job’s speech for Standfords graduating class of 2005, he mentioned that he didn’t even know what a pancrise was. It was almost a relief  for me to know that the guy to revilutionised technology as we know it, couldn’t even tell you his own anatomy. It’s helped me to breath and say: “Brittany you’re going to be okay, god gave you courage to be you’re self, so use it.”

Some times I need to remember that moment when I discovered what it was like to ‘get out side of myself.’ And taking time to challenge the norms,  reliesing that ” we all know there’s a truth to truth.” That moment to hear not only the other side of the story, but the many versions of the story; comprehending what you couldn’t fathom but a moment ago.

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Aspirations, to acquirement.

 I hope I'm not ignorant to my flaws, I hope I posses enough humility to accept the essential changes that will better my relationships. I don't ever want Kez and I to become what Hannah has. I don't want to be the reflection of selfishness. And in the same sense I will never sacrifice my dreams. 

Difficult was never the deffiniton of impossible.

Things have taken leaps and bounds from where they were a year ago. I now posses the will power and mental energy to acquire my aspirations. I have focused my relationships to the ones that fuel me full of endurance. I have found the self confidence to over come the anguish, of a broken heart and depleted mind. I am balanced, and replenished.

God gave me.

I've been over whelmed again. Nothing new, pritty much the same things. My thought process is at a jam. There's so many things I want to know, and I've made some excellent progress. But I feel like I have Alzheimer's at the age of 20. When I was watching Steven Job's speech for Standfords graduating class of 2005, he mentioned that he didn't even know what a pancrise was. It was almost a relief  for me to know that the guy to revilutionised technology as we know it, couldn't even tell you his own anatomy. It's helped me to breath and say: "Brittany you're going to be okay, god gave you courage to be you're self, so use it."
Some times I need to remember that moment when I discovered what it was like to 'get out side of myself.' And taking time to challenge the norms, and relies that " we all know there's a truth to truth." That moment to hear not only the other side of the story, but the many versions of the story; comprehending what you couldn't fathom but a moment ago.

I'm infatuated

There's a thing called life, it's comprised of:
Art media )Music, dance, literature, images and sculptural that beam our eye threw a spectrum of this world.
Society) Human beings venturing to create atmosphere and dynamic in nature with the various aspects of health. 
Nature) The phenomenal presents earth, food, water, and air. That allows us to do, or be come, the unthinkable.
And I am infatuated. I obligate myself to preserve the quality of it, this is why I am in school.
"we may walk the same path, but these steps I take are my own. And their impressions are what I gave the world." -Brittany Castleton

Profanity and 'profinity'

Perhaps-if I don't sleep tomorrow will not come. And these feelings that at yearning to to lose my 'profinity' and use my profanity would never exist.

An Asundered life

These feelings of inferiority, they are intoxicating. They evoke my intolerance.

I question..Not everything said is truth, and not every truth is said.

I beg for salvation from my soul; because if anything can help, it will be you.

Contiplation

My feet can barley with stand dragging my soul to the places it longs to know. These familiar places and faces, retain me like a chain to the floor. And I cannot tell witch one is a sacrifice, I am eager to be long, but it is true what they say about the absence making the heart grow fonder. So I am stuck, in contemplation; hoping that time will tell me, and I will rightly listen. One day I will travel, but today I am building memories. I will not settle for less, but where is perfect?

"dedication is imagination blended with dedication" - Brittany Castleton

Life and Loath

Like does not mean love, friendliness is not flirting. I'm tired of watching despicable love, what ever happened to real chemistry? Where love is an amiable admiration of another charterer. I seek to never be blinded in love, but allow my heart to harmonize with my heads logic. My expectations are not un-real, simly un-fulfilled.
"Don't let yesterdays disappointments overshadow tomorrows dreams"

Endeavor; lifes agenda

I am not a writer, I am a poet. My characteristics are implicit of dreaming, and creatively composing (or manipulating) English literature. Unfortunately I am still a stewardess to society, and that requires me to have concise communication.
There's somethings I'd like to be in life, thus there are accommodations that need to me met. It would pleasure me to be certain of the life I lead, and the society in witch I live. I'm not a feminist, just uninterested. There is a general lack of appeal in the civilization that surrounds me. Mostly due to the fact that I have a un-candid out look on life, that it is -or should be- self explanatory. Obviously not the general, or normal.
My mind is lacking aperture, while my soul holds an un-yielding infatuation.. I am a walking contradiction.    

Pleasant tendency's

What a lovely week. Watched the beautiful dancers of Chraisma studio (and performed) at the spring recital. Got to enjoy nature with Taylor and Rachel, while discussing religion and politics. Spent time with Stephanie Cox and Brianne Graves; two people who have been so extremely influential to my character. Had so many moments to develop my personality, and find more inspiration in life in school and at work. Then realizing the tendency of my in inherited personality threw late night discussions with Ceil DeYoung, aka grandma. Had a BBQ with the children. Pleasantly put up with a blind date, thanks to Marc Maughan. And had a beautiful twitter tribute from my wifey, Kez : Brittany Castleton your truly are my wife. I love how much I can trust you. <3 (not to mention our date at Barnes and Noble reading in the cafe!)




.

platter, glitsening reflections.

I've come to the conclusion that my life is in desperate need of change. Not thecurrent suddle changes (altho they have been plesant) but my spirit is in critial condition for something abrupt. I've had my dose of medicine to cure this home sickness, and it's new perscription is something muchstronger.. life that will stair straight in to the eye's of my soul, and cure all that is corrup. Perhaps it would be possible if reality wasn't such a disenchantment. Soon enough, my breath will no longer be held; rather a steady in-hale ex-hale.

Social skills

Jannet's been in the gym this week, and I thought I'd end up quitting. But it's actually been a supper positive experiences. Example, today she brought up the fact that because Amanda and I are both young we don't have a full comprehension of social skills. We had both mentioned to her that she was intimidating to us, and she explained how we could have re-phrased it with a possatave spin. This is something I think I was in self-denial about, although I'm not the worst in the world, I obviously have some serious improvement to make.
I also tend to think that it has to do more with the social skills I was exposed to growing up, my mother was extremely blunt, and my father lacked in expression/ communication... period. Either way, I'm grateful she genuinely pointed it out. I'm definitely going to add exercise sentence structure to my list of goals to achieve. It will better me in work, as an employee, with my peers, family, and academically as a student.
Monday I went on a hike with Taylor and his adorable new girl friend, Rachael. Basically it goes like this, Kez is my soul and Taylor is my other half. There isn't any other people on this earth that complete me, motivate me, relate with me, and inspire me so singularly than those to do. They are both extremely brilliant, sincere, and have excellent comprehension as well as expression.. I envy them, and aspire to be them.
I love my grandma, we can have civil discussion.. something I long to have with my parents. I'm also starting to comprehend the cycle of society. life is basically thrilling!

Teachers.

It's be come sadly apparent that history class can hold my attention for a span of 20 minuets...tops. Toby's agreed to help tutor me, or help me BS the class, either way he's more of a master at either subject than I ever will be. Sociology however entices me, excites. Today I wrote this: *this was my responce to this weeks discussion board in Sociology, I've decided it makes a good tribute as well, if you're tagged I'm tribbuting this to you amazing souls who influence society rather than be influenced.*

It is society that draws every theory to a consensus. It is a majority of opinions that develop a belief. It is similar beliefes that create societies. To me it is not set in stone if any single individual can entirely resist influence of society; although there are those who can vastly influence, and are seldom to be influenced. Typically they are individuals who are not explicit to any specific society, travelers. They exploit the innocence of human nature (and are my every envy).

It is one’s comprehension of both them-selves, and the society in witch they live, that will lead to executive decisions such as choosing a career. It was my hobbies that lead me to my passion. Watching the mind of my students develop was so intriguing; I began to crave the knowledge to understand it.


When I read it to mom her response was: I think I only understood that last line. It's aggravating when you can't hold any sort of discussion with your mother, for multiple reasons. One, your opinions differ enormously. Two, the only input she can add is something (or some one) that makes you cringe. Three she's exhausted from work.

That's another thing that's become vividly apparent, I care far more to be involved in the life of my peers and co workers than I care to be involved in my family life. Evidently because everything in the house of my parents revolved around the Devil. And my mother is in serious denial of it.. and to say the least she's only doing damage for every one involved. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids and I'm trying the be their sister. But that's about all I can do, for now.. it's going to be interesting to see where time takes this.

Tomorrows agenda is packed so I better head to bed.

Testing, life.

Who does this? Working jobs, hosting and attending events, full time school, better recrational skills (dance and tumbling), helping my aunt.. I'm either nuts, or amazing. I'm trying to firgure it out. I want a week to read every book my hands could possibly lie hands on. I want a month to work on nothing but my recrational skills. And I want an unlimited disposal of finances, to better my skin, and closet.
Maybe this year, I'll acutally get a birthday party, I need to start doing things for myself. I did, I quit the got for saken job, I made life happen.
Kezeiah she's an angel to me, we apire and aquire. I know so many inspirational souls. Parker, he keeps me level with myself. Brianne, she is always there. Steph's (Cox, and Loftus), they make me promise to better myself. Ondylyn, she helps me see reality. BryAnn, she motivates me. Taylor, belives in me. Hannah, she helped convict me. Thease are my best friends.

24 hours

There's something wrong, and it need's to be fixed. At five O' clock I will have been awake a full 24 hours. I worked from 7:30 AM untill 1:30 AM, I don't even want to try and calculate that. My body is restless, ill really. And my mind, soaking.
Yesterday I broke down, Amanda came into the gym and finished my classes.. thank goodness she's on summer break. I drove home thinking of all the things I was going to get done with my time, when I pulled up I said.. sleep.. no matter what I need to sleep, my body shouldn't go on like this. I lied down, no luck. A light protein snack with some carbs, and tea? Possibly a movie will dry my drenched brian. All fail. I finally fell asleep for 15 min, lied in bed for 2 more hours, then started on my list. Few hours later, I was able to force in some sleep, fallowed by today.
I'm not ready for Monday, I don't want to go back to that god forsaken job.. AT ALL. Truth, I've thought of harrowen, bulimia, and anorexia. I have no gag relaxed, probably a good thing. And I love food to much, good food tho.. not junk. I regret Merit, I can't stand to face Steph with my life the way it is. I'm a mess.
When does all this cross the line to becoming mental? Some how I know the answer to that.. I need to relax, view my own thoughts/ life the way I advise my peers; perspicatiouuy. I need to continue to better myself, and learn to balance out my humility with my pride.
On my way to Utah County today I was listening to KRCL, it was splendid. ALCU was talking about students freedom of speech; for the first time in my life I called, and was aired to discussion. I was less than pleased with myself; the sleep deficiency induced poor sentence structure (I was not out standing).
I was late to work, Mr. Taylor was 'concerned' as Krosby put it. That's 5 strikes: 1. Availability sucks. 2. I forgot last weeks crew meeting. 3. Two hours late today. 4. I didn't aprove my time card (not my fault, computer isn't working) 5. I'm asking for the next 3 Friday's off. He's as put-up with it, as I myself am.
But here's the good news. I get along with every crew member, I don't mind any of the work.. except maybe trash. I'm rarely to never off on my till. I 'DUST'. I'm chipper, even when it's forced. I take action.
SO, I will write exercise sentence structure/ public speech on my 'list of things to do'. And I will be doing more of my 'to do' list. I've already got some french and spanish going, I need more enlightening and delightful music. And in a few short hours I will DANCE. I will get the F out of debt, and I will write a tribute to all the wonderful souls who bless my life with their shining examples. NOW, it is damp, healing, and ready for sleep.

Behavioral science, physical education and recreation.

It's funny how much we all complain about society, but no one ever really takes the time to fix it. As good old MJ put it "I'm starting with the man in the mirror." That man was a genius, I don't care how crazy people toke him for. Same with Emminem, his date line interview deemed him as either a mental job, or a extremely out standing individual.
I'm trying to work my way threw Dr. Melvin's book, a mind at a time. School starts this week, so if I don't do it now, it's never going to happen. Monday I'm getting my student credit card with Welsfargo, what a relief. I'm exhausted and the week hasn't even begun, this month might literally kill me. Full time school, working 4 jobs, helping Lori with the kids, quite a few social events to attend, and work on getting a job back down in Utah County (willing to bet Provo Care center). O and lets not forget that I'm now joining a dance crew, preparing for my MA/phlebotomy certification. I'll be thrilled once June arives.

This week I worked on packing/ scrap-booking. Made me relies how much I LOVE blogger, such an orinized way to maintain thoughts and memories. That's something I need to invest in, a lap top. As well as a back pack. Saturday after work I got to see Parker, I miss him. Last time we talked he was having difficulties with his parents miss placed accusations, and his ADHD. I gave him some of Melvin's medicine and his parents agreed. He is now doing home school, working, and making some huge bounds to growing up.

Today at work. Mark, one of my managers, told me I would have been promoted shorty if it wasn't for the fact that my availability sucks. Last night. Kezy and I plaid at Owen's, such a sweet heart. It was nice to cut loose, and alway nice to be with Kez. I hope I'm not as ignorant to my flaws as the vast majority of society is, I hope I posses enough humility to accept essential changes to better my relationships. I don't ever want Kez and I to become what Hannah has. I don't want to be the reflection of mothers husband, my older brother, and current room mate.. with selfishness. And in the same sense I will never sacrifice my dreams.

This is it

Well, it's been a year since I blogged. Posted, possibly just a few months. But the change is vastly enormous. I'm starting school again, regretfully at UVU. But on the up side I will be at a mutual between my home county and the county I love (utah, and SLC). I'm coaching at Elite Tumbling in Sandy, I absolutely love it. If only it was enough to support me financially. In consequence I am working 3 additional jobs to make ends meet.
1) Cinimark in Provo town center. I took this job in November, just before I moved out of my parents. It gave me good hours, and got me out of Sonic (thank god). But when I got the job at Elite I started working just weekends, witch wasn't all bad because I get to see my friends down in Utah County at least once a week but most of them are rotated.
2)Chraisma studio, well this one isn't new I've been there since '09 it's basically my second home. But I'll be leaving this year to finish school.. my heart can't decide if it's excited or dreading the departure. Actually that's how I feel about mostly everything these days.
3) Royal Touch Cleanning. Nothing much to say here, I mean.. it's maid work. I'm secluded from society and use basic to no thinking skills. Obviously my dream job.. I mean it gets me up in the morning and works around my coaching schedule, definitely helps keep the bills paid. But I'm excited to be done, untill then I'm trying to keep things up beat. Taylor is putting books, french, and Spanish on my Ipod so I can be learning while I'm cleaning. It's not all bad tho, I've had pleanty of contemplating time. And there's a heap of things I've realized. Any way, I need to go, but I'll keep you up dated and try to fill in more gaps. Au revoir!