What a lovely week. Watched the beautiful dancers of Chraisma studio (and performed) at the spring recital. Got to enjoy nature with Taylor and Rachel, while discussing religion and politics. Spent time with Stephanie Cox and Brianne Graves; two people who have been so extremely influential to my character. Had so many moments to develop my personality, and find more inspiration in life in school and at work. Then realizing the tendency of my in inherited personality threw late night discussions with Ceil DeYoung, aka grandma. Had a BBQ with the children. Pleasantly put up with a blind date, thanks to Marc Maughan. And had a beautiful twitter tribute from my wifey, Kez : Brittany Castleton your truly are my wife. I love how much I can trust you. <3 (not to mention our date at Barnes and Noble reading in the cafe!)
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Tuesday, May 31, 2011
platter, glitsening reflections.
I've come to the conclusion that my life is in desperate need of change. Not thecurrent suddle changes (altho they have been plesant) but my spirit is in critial condition for something abrupt. I've had my dose of medicine to cure this home sickness, and it's new perscription is something muchstronger.. life that will stair straight in to the eye's of my soul, and cure all that is corrup. Perhaps it would be possible if reality wasn't such a disenchantment. Soon enough, my breath will no longer be held; rather a steady in-hale ex-hale.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Social skills
Jannet's been in the gym this week, and I thought I'd end up quitting. But it's actually been a supper positive experiences. Example, today she brought up the fact that because Amanda and I are both young we don't have a full comprehension of social skills. We had both mentioned to her that she was intimidating to us, and she explained how we could have re-phrased it with a possatave spin. This is something I think I was in self-denial about, although I'm not the worst in the world, I obviously have some serious improvement to make.
I also tend to think that it has to do more with the social skills I was exposed to growing up, my mother was extremely blunt, and my father lacked in expression/ communication... period. Either way, I'm grateful she genuinely pointed it out. I'm definitely going to add exercise sentence structure to my list of goals to achieve. It will better me in work, as an employee, with my peers, family, and academically as a student.
Monday I went on a hike with Taylor and his adorable new girl friend, Rachael. Basically it goes like this, Kez is my soul and Taylor is my other half. There isn't any other people on this earth that complete me, motivate me, relate with me, and inspire me so singularly than those to do. They are both extremely brilliant, sincere, and have excellent comprehension as well as expression.. I envy them, and aspire to be them.
I love my grandma, we can have civil discussion.. something I long to have with my parents. I'm also starting to comprehend the cycle of society. life is basically thrilling!
I also tend to think that it has to do more with the social skills I was exposed to growing up, my mother was extremely blunt, and my father lacked in expression/ communication... period. Either way, I'm grateful she genuinely pointed it out. I'm definitely going to add exercise sentence structure to my list of goals to achieve. It will better me in work, as an employee, with my peers, family, and academically as a student.
Monday I went on a hike with Taylor and his adorable new girl friend, Rachael. Basically it goes like this, Kez is my soul and Taylor is my other half. There isn't any other people on this earth that complete me, motivate me, relate with me, and inspire me so singularly than those to do. They are both extremely brilliant, sincere, and have excellent comprehension as well as expression.. I envy them, and aspire to be them.
I love my grandma, we can have civil discussion.. something I long to have with my parents. I'm also starting to comprehend the cycle of society. life is basically thrilling!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Teachers.
It's be come sadly apparent that history class can hold my attention for a span of 20 minuets...tops. Toby's agreed to help tutor me, or help me BS the class, either way he's more of a master at either subject than I ever will be. Sociology however entices me, excites. Today I wrote this: *this was my responce to this weeks discussion board in Sociology, I've decided it makes a good tribute as well, if you're tagged I'm tribbuting this to you amazing souls who influence society rather than be influenced.*
It is society that draws every theory to a consensus. It is a majority of opinions that develop a belief. It is similar beliefes that create societies. To me it is not set in stone if any single individual can entirely resist influence of society; although there are those who can vastly influence, and are seldom to be influenced. Typically they are individuals who are not explicit to any specific society, travelers. They exploit the innocence of human nature (and are my every envy).
It is one’s comprehension of both them-selves, and the society in witch they live, that will lead to executive decisions such as choosing a career. It was my hobbies that lead me to my passion. Watching the mind of my students develop was so intriguing; I began to crave the knowledge to understand it.
When I read it to mom her response was: I think I only understood that last line. It's aggravating when you can't hold any sort of discussion with your mother, for multiple reasons. One, your opinions differ enormously. Two, the only input she can add is something (or some one) that makes you cringe. Three she's exhausted from work.
That's another thing that's become vividly apparent, I care far more to be involved in the life of my peers and co workers than I care to be involved in my family life. Evidently because everything in the house of my parents revolved around the Devil. And my mother is in serious denial of it.. and to say the least she's only doing damage for every one involved. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids and I'm trying the be their sister. But that's about all I can do, for now.. it's going to be interesting to see where time takes this.
Tomorrows agenda is packed so I better head to bed.
It is society that draws every theory to a consensus. It is a majority of opinions that develop a belief. It is similar beliefes that create societies. To me it is not set in stone if any single individual can entirely resist influence of society; although there are those who can vastly influence, and are seldom to be influenced. Typically they are individuals who are not explicit to any specific society, travelers. They exploit the innocence of human nature (and are my every envy).
It is one’s comprehension of both them-selves, and the society in witch they live, that will lead to executive decisions such as choosing a career. It was my hobbies that lead me to my passion. Watching the mind of my students develop was so intriguing; I began to crave the knowledge to understand it.
When I read it to mom her response was: I think I only understood that last line. It's aggravating when you can't hold any sort of discussion with your mother, for multiple reasons. One, your opinions differ enormously. Two, the only input she can add is something (or some one) that makes you cringe. Three she's exhausted from work.
That's another thing that's become vividly apparent, I care far more to be involved in the life of my peers and co workers than I care to be involved in my family life. Evidently because everything in the house of my parents revolved around the Devil. And my mother is in serious denial of it.. and to say the least she's only doing damage for every one involved. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids and I'm trying the be their sister. But that's about all I can do, for now.. it's going to be interesting to see where time takes this.
Tomorrows agenda is packed so I better head to bed.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Testing, life.
Who does this? Working jobs, hosting and attending events, full time school, better recrational skills (dance and tumbling), helping my aunt.. I'm either nuts, or amazing. I'm trying to firgure it out. I want a week to read every book my hands could possibly lie hands on. I want a month to work on nothing but my recrational skills. And I want an unlimited disposal of finances, to better my skin, and closet.
Maybe this year, I'll acutally get a birthday party, I need to start doing things for myself. I did, I quit the got for saken job, I made life happen.
Kezeiah she's an angel to me, we apire and aquire. I know so many inspirational souls. Parker, he keeps me level with myself. Brianne, she is always there. Steph's (Cox, and Loftus), they make me promise to better myself. Ondylyn, she helps me see reality. BryAnn, she motivates me. Taylor, belives in me. Hannah, she helped convict me. Thease are my best friends.
Maybe this year, I'll acutally get a birthday party, I need to start doing things for myself. I did, I quit the got for saken job, I made life happen.
Kezeiah she's an angel to me, we apire and aquire. I know so many inspirational souls. Parker, he keeps me level with myself. Brianne, she is always there. Steph's (Cox, and Loftus), they make me promise to better myself. Ondylyn, she helps me see reality. BryAnn, she motivates me. Taylor, belives in me. Hannah, she helped convict me. Thease are my best friends.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
24 hours
There's something wrong, and it need's to be fixed. At five O' clock I will have been awake a full 24 hours. I worked from 7:30 AM untill 1:30 AM, I don't even want to try and calculate that. My body is restless, ill really. And my mind, soaking.
Yesterday I broke down, Amanda came into the gym and finished my classes.. thank goodness she's on summer break. I drove home thinking of all the things I was going to get done with my time, when I pulled up I said.. sleep.. no matter what I need to sleep, my body shouldn't go on like this. I lied down, no luck. A light protein snack with some carbs, and tea? Possibly a movie will dry my drenched brian. All fail. I finally fell asleep for 15 min, lied in bed for 2 more hours, then started on my list. Few hours later, I was able to force in some sleep, fallowed by today.
I'm not ready for Monday, I don't want to go back to that god forsaken job.. AT ALL. Truth, I've thought of harrowen, bulimia, and anorexia. I have no gag relaxed, probably a good thing. And I love food to much, good food tho.. not junk. I regret Merit, I can't stand to face Steph with my life the way it is. I'm a mess.
When does all this cross the line to becoming mental? Some how I know the answer to that.. I need to relax, view my own thoughts/ life the way I advise my peers; perspicatiouuy. I need to continue to better myself, and learn to balance out my humility with my pride.
On my way to Utah County today I was listening to KRCL, it was splendid. ALCU was talking about students freedom of speech; for the first time in my life I called, and was aired to discussion. I was less than pleased with myself; the sleep deficiency induced poor sentence structure (I was not out standing).
I was late to work, Mr. Taylor was 'concerned' as Krosby put it. That's 5 strikes: 1. Availability sucks. 2. I forgot last weeks crew meeting. 3. Two hours late today. 4. I didn't aprove my time card (not my fault, computer isn't working) 5. I'm asking for the next 3 Friday's off. He's as put-up with it, as I myself am.
But here's the good news. I get along with every crew member, I don't mind any of the work.. except maybe trash. I'm rarely to never off on my till. I 'DUST'. I'm chipper, even when it's forced. I take action.
SO, I will write exercise sentence structure/ public speech on my 'list of things to do'. And I will be doing more of my 'to do' list. I've already got some french and spanish going, I need more enlightening and delightful music. And in a few short hours I will DANCE. I will get the F out of debt, and I will write a tribute to all the wonderful souls who bless my life with their shining examples. NOW, it is damp, healing, and ready for sleep.
Yesterday I broke down, Amanda came into the gym and finished my classes.. thank goodness she's on summer break. I drove home thinking of all the things I was going to get done with my time, when I pulled up I said.. sleep.. no matter what I need to sleep, my body shouldn't go on like this. I lied down, no luck. A light protein snack with some carbs, and tea? Possibly a movie will dry my drenched brian. All fail. I finally fell asleep for 15 min, lied in bed for 2 more hours, then started on my list. Few hours later, I was able to force in some sleep, fallowed by today.
I'm not ready for Monday, I don't want to go back to that god forsaken job.. AT ALL. Truth, I've thought of harrowen, bulimia, and anorexia. I have no gag relaxed, probably a good thing. And I love food to much, good food tho.. not junk. I regret Merit, I can't stand to face Steph with my life the way it is. I'm a mess.
When does all this cross the line to becoming mental? Some how I know the answer to that.. I need to relax, view my own thoughts/ life the way I advise my peers; perspicatiouuy. I need to continue to better myself, and learn to balance out my humility with my pride.
On my way to Utah County today I was listening to KRCL, it was splendid. ALCU was talking about students freedom of speech; for the first time in my life I called, and was aired to discussion. I was less than pleased with myself; the sleep deficiency induced poor sentence structure (I was not out standing).
I was late to work, Mr. Taylor was 'concerned' as Krosby put it. That's 5 strikes: 1. Availability sucks. 2. I forgot last weeks crew meeting. 3. Two hours late today. 4. I didn't aprove my time card (not my fault, computer isn't working) 5. I'm asking for the next 3 Friday's off. He's as put-up with it, as I myself am.
But here's the good news. I get along with every crew member, I don't mind any of the work.. except maybe trash. I'm rarely to never off on my till. I 'DUST'. I'm chipper, even when it's forced. I take action.
SO, I will write exercise sentence structure/ public speech on my 'list of things to do'. And I will be doing more of my 'to do' list. I've already got some french and spanish going, I need more enlightening and delightful music. And in a few short hours I will DANCE. I will get the F out of debt, and I will write a tribute to all the wonderful souls who bless my life with their shining examples. NOW, it is damp, healing, and ready for sleep.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Behavioral science, physical education and recreation.
It's funny how much we all complain about society, but no one ever really takes the time to fix it. As good old MJ put it "I'm starting with the man in the mirror." That man was a genius, I don't care how crazy people toke him for. Same with Emminem, his date line interview deemed him as either a mental job, or a extremely out standing individual.
I'm trying to work my way threw Dr. Melvin's book, a mind at a time. School starts this week, so if I don't do it now, it's never going to happen. Monday I'm getting my student credit card with Welsfargo, what a relief. I'm exhausted and the week hasn't even begun, this month might literally kill me. Full time school, working 4 jobs, helping Lori with the kids, quite a few social events to attend, and work on getting a job back down in Utah County (willing to bet Provo Care center). O and lets not forget that I'm now joining a dance crew, preparing for my MA/phlebotomy certification. I'll be thrilled once June arives.
This week I worked on packing/ scrap-booking. Made me relies how much I LOVE blogger, such an orinized way to maintain thoughts and memories. That's something I need to invest in, a lap top. As well as a back pack. Saturday after work I got to see Parker, I miss him. Last time we talked he was having difficulties with his parents miss placed accusations, and his ADHD. I gave him some of Melvin's medicine and his parents agreed. He is now doing home school, working, and making some huge bounds to growing up.
Today at work. Mark, one of my managers, told me I would have been promoted shorty if it wasn't for the fact that my availability sucks. Last night. Kezy and I plaid at Owen's, such a sweet heart. It was nice to cut loose, and alway nice to be with Kez. I hope I'm not as ignorant to my flaws as the vast majority of society is, I hope I posses enough humility to accept essential changes to better my relationships. I don't ever want Kez and I to become what Hannah has. I don't want to be the reflection of mothers husband, my older brother, and current room mate.. with selfishness. And in the same sense I will never sacrifice my dreams.
I'm trying to work my way threw Dr. Melvin's book, a mind at a time. School starts this week, so if I don't do it now, it's never going to happen. Monday I'm getting my student credit card with Welsfargo, what a relief. I'm exhausted and the week hasn't even begun, this month might literally kill me. Full time school, working 4 jobs, helping Lori with the kids, quite a few social events to attend, and work on getting a job back down in Utah County (willing to bet Provo Care center). O and lets not forget that I'm now joining a dance crew, preparing for my MA/phlebotomy certification. I'll be thrilled once June arives.
This week I worked on packing/ scrap-booking. Made me relies how much I LOVE blogger, such an orinized way to maintain thoughts and memories. That's something I need to invest in, a lap top. As well as a back pack. Saturday after work I got to see Parker, I miss him. Last time we talked he was having difficulties with his parents miss placed accusations, and his ADHD. I gave him some of Melvin's medicine and his parents agreed. He is now doing home school, working, and making some huge bounds to growing up.
Today at work. Mark, one of my managers, told me I would have been promoted shorty if it wasn't for the fact that my availability sucks. Last night. Kezy and I plaid at Owen's, such a sweet heart. It was nice to cut loose, and alway nice to be with Kez. I hope I'm not as ignorant to my flaws as the vast majority of society is, I hope I posses enough humility to accept essential changes to better my relationships. I don't ever want Kez and I to become what Hannah has. I don't want to be the reflection of mothers husband, my older brother, and current room mate.. with selfishness. And in the same sense I will never sacrifice my dreams.
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