I'm confused, glad. Last night I told Hannah that I would finally get up and go on our hike that we've been longing for. Her idea: walk around enjoying nature. Mine: Submerge yourself in natures challenge, and conquer it. Provo canyon has some fun, and simple, free handed rock climbing places.
We agreed on hers. I asked her what time, and how long. She was angery... I don't understand. How is planning it out so wrong?
"It's not going to be fun if we put a time limit on it"
"I'm confused, it's a stress reliever for me to have it planned out... make it happen in my head first, then for real, yea know?"
I wasn't trying to up set her. I don't understand why it was so upsetting to her. I mean, I know we all have our own way's of getting things done in life, but why am I ridiculed- or that's what it feels like. I never once told her way's that she should do things. She's given me so much advice, of witch I'm grateful for. I always try to keep my opinions to myself, I never want to upset any one.
We we're shopping. She was attached to a simple graphic 'Throw- down' T - shirt. Another thing I don't understand, she's so against fighting... and that's all Throw- down is about. Maybe I am missing something in the world, but I don't want to ever be anything but every bit of me.
The T-shirt was about $ 30, give or take. And she begged for my in-put: It's a T, to me I'd NEVER spend that much in a T. But if it's worth it to you, and you'll wear it. THEN GET IT.
That mad her mad too...
"You make me feel so stupid! (as she walks out the store)"
.... I really don't understand. Maybe you we're looking for encouragement, but that's not what you asked for- witch was my opinion.
I was reading, Utopia. A traveler was praised by his friend who's opinion was that he should serve a king, why with all his knowledge he could do good to the country. But the traveler knew that kings, and royals seek no ones advice:
"...And among the ministers of princes, there are none that are not so wise as to need no assistance, or at least that do not think themselves so wise that they imagine they need none; and if they court any, it is only those for whom the prince has much personal favor, whom by their fawnings and flatteries they endeavor to fix to their own interests: and indeed Nature has so made us that we all love to be flattered, and to please ourselves with our own notions. The old crow loves his young, and the ape her cubs. Now if in such a court, made up of persons who envy all others, and only admire themselves, a person should but propose anything that he had either read in history or observed in his travels, the rest would think that the reputation of their wisdom would sink, and that their interest would be much depressed, if they could not run it down: and if all other things failed, then they would fly to this, that such or such things pleased our ancestors, and it were well for us if we could but match them. They would set up their rest on such an answer, as a sufficient confutation of all that could be said, as if it were a great misfortune, that any should be found wiser than his ancestors; but though they willingly let go all the good things that were among those of former ages, yet if better things are proposed they cover themselves obstinately with this excuse of reverence to past times. I have met with these proud, morose, and absurd judgments of things in many places, particularly once in England."
In this society, it's every person. I don't think theirs one right or wrong, just matters of cooping. And that's why I try to hold my tong, it's not worth the offense they'll being to you- more often than not, it's not going to change them any way. I'll just converse when we can agree. I'm afraid to talk to much. I'm afraid of flaws, silly right- every one has them.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
The rest is just a ride
"Sit your but down, and buckle up. The rest is just a ride, but thoes first two may save your life one day"
I wrote that to myself. I've missed blogging. It keeps me in line. I need to remember reasons to smile, and there's not better way than my past to remind me. I'm going to keep it up- I am.
So here's my life as of late. I'm trying to find a new job, I applied at Nebo Credit Union. But I wont hear back from them for like 2-3 weeks. I was so sick for 4 days in a roe. Living hell. I had no voice :(. Then the fallowing week was stressful with a ton of work hours, tons of home work, and cheer banquit. Then stil trying to have a social life. Witch, speaking of, Alex Larson and I finally hung out! Good night, we went mini golfing, $3 Thursday. I came in second. But got the most hole in ones :), AND didn't cheat :) haha. It was a good night. Then Hannah and I drove to BUT FREAKING EGYPT to see Colton, from the party with Steph and Kale. He's a sweet sweet boy! Definitely a keeper :)
I've been so up and down with emotions. I can't stop thinking about Austin, right when I'm ready to let go some sort of him walks back into my life, and then I get back to square one. I can't decide if it's because I'm secretly holding on to him entirely and thoes instances when he does "walk into my life" is just a slap in the face to say how pathetic I am. Either way... when Hannah and I where driving back from Coltons I started balling, and when I pulled of to the side of the road the most perfect song came on (air plains, BOB). That night I had to drive, I had to think clear my head. I made it to draper, got some gas and Hannah and I spent the morning searching for her rehab house. Hannah said something that hit me, I'm not sure the exact words. But it made me relise that I need to put my hole hart into letting go of Austin, for the most part I have. I keep thinking about it thoe, searching to know if it's the best thing to do. I'm pretty sure it is. I relised that I need some one who makes me feel amazing, some one that's never going to stress me out. And as much as I loved Austin, everything we had- he's not that. Maybe it was just me, but I do feel like I can't keep holing on to him, there's some one out there holding on for me. Still letting go of what we had, I need more courage.
For now, I just need to have simple fun. And tonight was just that. Amanda and I where able to hang out, she's such a relief. It was just the night I needed to get my but back in gear. I have so many things I want to do. I want to take pictures of body art, I found the most amazing link to a site that has everything I want to do. The only thing is, I want it to be of me. And I don't know of any one who can take it. I also want to sew, that I attempted... and am going to keep attempting. I'm going to get back into dance. Eat RIGHT. Study passionately. And build burnt bridges. I'm going to get an ex-tern, job, car. walk, hike, climb, DANCE! :)
I wrote that to myself. I've missed blogging. It keeps me in line. I need to remember reasons to smile, and there's not better way than my past to remind me. I'm going to keep it up- I am.
So here's my life as of late. I'm trying to find a new job, I applied at Nebo Credit Union. But I wont hear back from them for like 2-3 weeks. I was so sick for 4 days in a roe. Living hell. I had no voice :(. Then the fallowing week was stressful with a ton of work hours, tons of home work, and cheer banquit. Then stil trying to have a social life. Witch, speaking of, Alex Larson and I finally hung out! Good night, we went mini golfing, $3 Thursday. I came in second. But got the most hole in ones :), AND didn't cheat :) haha. It was a good night. Then Hannah and I drove to BUT FREAKING EGYPT to see Colton, from the party with Steph and Kale. He's a sweet sweet boy! Definitely a keeper :)
I've been so up and down with emotions. I can't stop thinking about Austin, right when I'm ready to let go some sort of him walks back into my life, and then I get back to square one. I can't decide if it's because I'm secretly holding on to him entirely and thoes instances when he does "walk into my life" is just a slap in the face to say how pathetic I am. Either way... when Hannah and I where driving back from Coltons I started balling, and when I pulled of to the side of the road the most perfect song came on (air plains, BOB). That night I had to drive, I had to think clear my head. I made it to draper, got some gas and Hannah and I spent the morning searching for her rehab house. Hannah said something that hit me, I'm not sure the exact words. But it made me relise that I need to put my hole hart into letting go of Austin, for the most part I have. I keep thinking about it thoe, searching to know if it's the best thing to do. I'm pretty sure it is. I relised that I need some one who makes me feel amazing, some one that's never going to stress me out. And as much as I loved Austin, everything we had- he's not that. Maybe it was just me, but I do feel like I can't keep holing on to him, there's some one out there holding on for me. Still letting go of what we had, I need more courage.
For now, I just need to have simple fun. And tonight was just that. Amanda and I where able to hang out, she's such a relief. It was just the night I needed to get my but back in gear. I have so many things I want to do. I want to take pictures of body art, I found the most amazing link to a site that has everything I want to do. The only thing is, I want it to be of me. And I don't know of any one who can take it. I also want to sew, that I attempted... and am going to keep attempting. I'm going to get back into dance. Eat RIGHT. Study passionately. And build burnt bridges. I'm going to get an ex-tern, job, car. walk, hike, climb, DANCE! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)