The rest is just a ride

"Sit your but down, and buckle up. The rest is just a ride, but thoes first two may save your life one day"
I wrote that to myself. I've missed blogging. It keeps me in line. I need to remember reasons to smile, and there's not better way than my past to remind me. I'm going to keep it up- I am.
So here's my life as of late. I'm trying to find a new job, I applied at Nebo Credit Union. But I wont hear back from them for like 2-3 weeks. I was so sick for 4 days in a roe. Living hell. I had no voice :(. Then the fallowing week was stressful with a ton of work hours, tons of home work, and cheer banquit. Then stil trying to have a social life. Witch, speaking of, Alex Larson and I finally hung out! Good night, we went mini golfing, $3 Thursday. I came in second. But got the most hole in ones :), AND didn't cheat :) haha. It was a good night. Then Hannah and I drove to BUT FREAKING EGYPT to see Colton, from the party with Steph and Kale. He's a sweet sweet boy! Definitely a keeper :)
I've been so up and down with emotions. I can't stop thinking about Austin, right when I'm ready to let go some sort of him walks back into my life, and then I get back to square one. I can't decide if it's because I'm secretly holding on to him entirely and thoes instances when he does "walk into my life" is just a slap in the face to say how pathetic I am. Either way... when Hannah and I where driving back from Coltons I started balling, and when I pulled of to the side of the road the most perfect song came on (air plains, BOB). That night I had to drive, I had to think clear my head. I made it to draper, got some gas and Hannah and I spent the morning searching for her rehab house. Hannah said something that hit me, I'm not sure the exact words. But it made me relise that I need to put my hole hart into letting go of Austin, for the most part I have. I keep thinking about it thoe, searching to know if it's the best thing to do. I'm pretty sure it is. I relised that I need some one who makes me feel amazing, some one that's never going to stress me out. And as much as I loved Austin, everything we had- he's not that. Maybe it was just me, but I do feel like I can't keep holing on to him, there's some one out there holding on for me. Still letting go of what we had, I need more courage.
For now, I just need to have simple fun. And tonight was just that. Amanda and I where able to hang out, she's such a relief. It was just the night I needed to get my but back in gear. I have so many things I want to do. I want to take pictures of body art, I found the most amazing link to a site that has everything I want to do. The only thing is, I want it to be of me. And I don't know of any one who can take it. I also want to sew, that I attempted... and am going to keep attempting. I'm going to get back into dance. Eat RIGHT. Study passionately. And build burnt bridges. I'm going to get an ex-tern, job, car. walk, hike, climb, DANCE! :)