Evey ones has answers

I'm confused, glad. Last night I told Hannah that I would finally get up and go on our hike that we've been longing for. Her idea: walk around enjoying nature. Mine: Submerge yourself in natures challenge, and conquer it. Provo canyon has some fun, and simple, free handed rock climbing places.

We agreed on hers. I asked her what time, and how long. She was angery... I don't understand. How is planning it out so wrong?
"It's not going to be fun if we put a time limit on it"
"I'm confused, it's a stress reliever for me to have it planned out... make it happen in my head first, then for real, yea know?"
I wasn't trying to up set her. I don't understand why it was so upsetting to her. I mean, I know we all have our own way's of getting things done in life, but why am I ridiculed- or that's what it feels like. I never once told her way's that she should do things. She's given me so much advice, of witch I'm grateful for. I always try to keep my opinions to myself, I never want to upset any one.

We we're shopping. She was attached to a simple graphic 'Throw- down' T - shirt. Another thing I don't understand, she's so against fighting... and that's all Throw- down is about. Maybe I am missing something in the world, but I don't want to ever be anything but every bit of me.

The T-shirt was about $ 30, give or take. And she begged for my in-put: It's a T, to me I'd NEVER spend that much in a T. But if it's worth it to you, and you'll wear it. THEN GET IT.
That mad her mad too...
"You make me feel so stupid! (as she walks out the store)"
.... I really don't understand. Maybe you we're looking for encouragement, but that's not what you asked for- witch was my opinion.
I was reading, Utopia. A traveler was praised by his friend who's opinion was that he should serve a king, why with all his knowledge he could do good to the country. But the traveler knew that kings, and royals seek no ones advice:
"...And among the ministers of princes, there are none that are not so wise as to need no assistance, or at least that do not think themselves so wise that they imagine they need none; and if they court any, it is only those for whom the prince has much personal favor, whom by their fawnings and flatteries they endeavor to fix to their own interests: and indeed Nature has so made us that we all love to be flattered, and to please ourselves with our own notions. The old crow loves his young, and the ape her cubs. Now if in such a court, made up of persons who envy all others, and only admire themselves, a person should but propose anything that he had either read in history or observed in his travels, the rest would think that the reputation of their wisdom would sink, and that their interest would be much depressed, if they could not run it down: and if all other things failed, then they would fly to this, that such or such things pleased our ancestors, and it were well for us if we could but match them. They would set up their rest on such an answer, as a sufficient confutation of all that could be said, as if it were a great misfortune, that any should be found wiser than his ancestors; but though they willingly let go all the good things that were among those of former ages, yet if better things are proposed they cover themselves obstinately with this excuse of reverence to past times. I have met with these proud, morose, and absurd judgments of things in many places, particularly once in England."

In this society, it's every person. I don't think theirs one right or wrong, just matters of cooping. And that's why I try to hold my tong, it's not worth the offense they'll being to you- more often than not, it's not going to change them any way. I'll just converse when we can agree. I'm afraid to talk to much. I'm afraid of flaws, silly right- every one has them.

The rest is just a ride

"Sit your but down, and buckle up. The rest is just a ride, but thoes first two may save your life one day"
I wrote that to myself. I've missed blogging. It keeps me in line. I need to remember reasons to smile, and there's not better way than my past to remind me. I'm going to keep it up- I am.
So here's my life as of late. I'm trying to find a new job, I applied at Nebo Credit Union. But I wont hear back from them for like 2-3 weeks. I was so sick for 4 days in a roe. Living hell. I had no voice :(. Then the fallowing week was stressful with a ton of work hours, tons of home work, and cheer banquit. Then stil trying to have a social life. Witch, speaking of, Alex Larson and I finally hung out! Good night, we went mini golfing, $3 Thursday. I came in second. But got the most hole in ones :), AND didn't cheat :) haha. It was a good night. Then Hannah and I drove to BUT FREAKING EGYPT to see Colton, from the party with Steph and Kale. He's a sweet sweet boy! Definitely a keeper :)
I've been so up and down with emotions. I can't stop thinking about Austin, right when I'm ready to let go some sort of him walks back into my life, and then I get back to square one. I can't decide if it's because I'm secretly holding on to him entirely and thoes instances when he does "walk into my life" is just a slap in the face to say how pathetic I am. Either way... when Hannah and I where driving back from Coltons I started balling, and when I pulled of to the side of the road the most perfect song came on (air plains, BOB). That night I had to drive, I had to think clear my head. I made it to draper, got some gas and Hannah and I spent the morning searching for her rehab house. Hannah said something that hit me, I'm not sure the exact words. But it made me relise that I need to put my hole hart into letting go of Austin, for the most part I have. I keep thinking about it thoe, searching to know if it's the best thing to do. I'm pretty sure it is. I relised that I need some one who makes me feel amazing, some one that's never going to stress me out. And as much as I loved Austin, everything we had- he's not that. Maybe it was just me, but I do feel like I can't keep holing on to him, there's some one out there holding on for me. Still letting go of what we had, I need more courage.
For now, I just need to have simple fun. And tonight was just that. Amanda and I where able to hang out, she's such a relief. It was just the night I needed to get my but back in gear. I have so many things I want to do. I want to take pictures of body art, I found the most amazing link to a site that has everything I want to do. The only thing is, I want it to be of me. And I don't know of any one who can take it. I also want to sew, that I attempted... and am going to keep attempting. I'm going to get back into dance. Eat RIGHT. Study passionately. And build burnt bridges. I'm going to get an ex-tern, job, car. walk, hike, climb, DANCE! :)

Comp!

Today was cheer compition, the girls did their best and that's all that matters! Leahona put in a lot of time to earn their first and that's great for them! Taylor and Porter came and helped me out a TON! After I took them for a treat at Micky D's.
Hannah and I finally hung out with Dlyan! We went and just had a chill night playing at a park and walking around walmart. Haha, I was not happy with one of the mangers cause I needed glue and he wouldn't let me go get it due to them waxing the floor, I could put more detail into how mad he made me cause he was rude. But I wont.
Last night was slow at work so I didn't have to  go in :), instead I got to go up to SL with Hannah, Meilne and Jake Toton. It was fun haha, for the most part. Kinda a mess but o well. Dlyans band was good, but Meine didn't like it so she and Jake stayed outside most of the time (it was screemo)We couldn't find RedWood Road and Jake was only getting us more lost, he did it again when we were leaving. And he refused to ask for directions. Once I called my dad and asked witch directiong ( N, S, E, or W) RedWood was I was able to find the place. Then while we were up there Blake txted me and wanted to hang out, so I had to ask Dlyan what the plan was so that I could give Blake an answer. And that took forever cause Dlyan is ADD! haha. I also snapped at Hannah :( cause I didn't want to go party with them, and she was "Brittanying" me. I felt bad :(. But we're okydoky! :) Any way all the plans fell threw so me Hannah and Meilne made brownies and watched house bunny. Then at like 3 or 4 Steph Cox called me saying how much she appricates me and loves me. And that I should totally come see her in Boston! Haha, I love it! :) I love her! I love life right now!
We also all went and got our belly buttons peirced!! It hurt SO bad! But it's so cute! :) I added Mike on facebook just to say hi and see how he's doing, IDK why I can't get him off my mind. I forgot how cute he was also! haha. But we haven't talked since. SO IDK lol. hmmmm other than that life's amazing! :)

Credits...

Okay, well not sure where I left off. My last blog was kinda vague. But I'll start with Friday, I'm pretty sure that was the last day. I got up around 1 then went shopping with Brianne, I got two cute pairs of Sandles, an adorable shirt, and a cute hat! Ran to Merit and picked out the design that Stephany C. and I are going to put on the girls shorts, then went to the mall with Hannah.
At the mall I got a call from Parker asking to hang out, then shortly after his mother called looking for him. I called him back trying to talk some sense into him, but it didn't work. After Hannah got her applications turned in and we did some window shopping, Arbys, then home till Brianne and the gang (Ondy, BryAnn, and Brianna) got to Bri's for marshmallows and a sleep over. While we were waiting Hannah messaged my back cause Thursday night we had gone tumbling and I was sore. That reminds me, Thursday night we (Hannah, Brandond, Cole, and I) all stayed up late talking about religion. It was one of the best nights of my life. Thoes boy's are simply amazing!
So then I went over to Briannes where I met up with the girls. I missed them so much! It's been much to long since High School. But even tho we've all grown and developed our lives, we're still the same caring genuine girls we've always been. It was so nice to catch up with them. They astound me! Ondy was telling us about her current boy friend, Eric (who I've known since High School), and how sweet and caring he his. I tried not to bring Austin into it, or really any of my ex's their all so sweet to me, I'm such a hard person to date haha.
Eric takes such good care of her, when ever she's stressed he'll 'bake' her stresses away, so to speak. And they go running every night, then stay up talking on the phone. He'll even read scriptures with her some times, because he can't concentrate at his place. One day he came and helped her changed the car battery during his lunch break, after they had kinda gotten in an arugement the night before. He really is perfect, and I'm pritty sure that they are going to get married, Ondy's concerned tho because he didn't serve a mission and her mother's made it a point to her that she doesn't approve of that. OKAY I'm sorry! But that drives me CRAZY, and that's why I can't stand Mormons! She could do FAR worse off, with even a return missionary. And not much better with any one elts in this world.
So I made it a point to tell Ondy that she shouldn't worry about it, and fallow her hart. She's been this amazing girl all threw high school. Fallowed all the rules and worked her ASS off! She's graduating early with an associates! She is in by curfew, she has a curfew and she's 18?! She does all her jobs, earns and budgets her own money! And I thought I was an angel...LORD!
Then there's BryAnn doing her home work on a Friday night and got up in the morning for study group! And Brianne is her sweet thoughtful, understanding self. Caring always about her friends, I love these girls, truly! Their should be more of them in the world. 
So then Saturday was uneventfull just work, but Jakie said something that made me LMAO! When the new coke kept dropping tot's claiming it was Jakie making him nervous, she responded: I must make a lot of men nervous, tot's aren't the only thing their dropping around me!! hahahahahahahahaha that coming from sweet Jakies mouth shocked me! She's the most innocent, caring, church going lady I know! Then when I got home and checked my space Hannah's friend Ryon added me, it was strange...

Goll I couldn't figure out how to comment you!! lol stupid!!!

What you been up to Brittany?? 

 Haha, so how'd you figure it out?? Ummmmm just working, school, coaching, meeting lots of adored people. Anything any college girl would be doing. You? ... Can I ask why you added me?

Cause I'm smart! =) haha
Idk why I did... I'll delete ya if it's such a big deal??
Where ya going to school? And for what? Coaching what?

I didn't say it was a big deal, just a little odd. Provo Community for a degree Medical Assisting; so that I can get a real job to pay for the rest of Medical School. I coach Cheer and Tumbling. Sooo can I ask what you're deal is with Hannah?? You don't have to answer and I will (regardless of your thoughts) keep it confidential. 

Ooh that's awesome! Hope it all works out for ya!
Hannah just got toooo attached. I didn't want to deal with the girlfriend stuff while I'm at school and not home. Know what I mean? 

Yea, entirely. But why couldn't you just tell her that? IDK I just don't understand why people don't tell the truth any more. I guess it's not my place, really it's not. Sorry for my intrusion. Thanks, how's school working out for you?
No you're fine! No biggy. It's not like I lied to her? I just... Idk. I thought she'd get all pist off about it when i told her so I didn't bother. So, I figured either way she'd be upset about it. I just didn't want to deal with any of it at all. I've had so much shit goin' on! School school school... Money... School school school... Etc.
It's going good though. I'm loving it.  
Hm, I don't think she'd freak out about it. I think she'd understand... IDK you're life, your choice. Money is hard to come by these days, except when you make bank in tips! ;)! haha. You have a job out there?
(his reply was asked to be delted cause it had his number)


Sunday I worked then stayed up all night with Hannah Studying and watching TV. She decided that she might try to get into SDU with me :))))! That would be awesome! We looked up everything we need, tests and all that and the dates! We're cruzing to our dreams.
So then I had school, got home, napped, & cheer. It was more or less frustrating. We had girls sick up the wazo, mouthy ones, and none of their heads where in the game, so we pulled in and just talked to end on a good note. Hopefully Wednesday will be better, competitions Saturday! Dinner, then off to Chraisma where it was a much better day. Two of the girls got their roundoff back tucks. Landon, Cherity, and the other two girls almost got their frunt ariles. Nikki almost has a side arile by herself. And every ones so self motivated and hard working. I love it there! After I took care of some bussness (getting messages for cheer's awards) and then picked up grandma for Ice cream, then she invited me in for some tea.  So today was a good day, this week was a good one. And theirs more to come! :)

Things have turned up.

Well the next day was a much better day. All I remember from it thoe was staying up all night (7 am) at Coles apparent with Brandon, Hannah, and Blake. WHO is SO cute, and extremely quiet (Brandon told him I say that to every one, not true haha) That morning I slept for a bit then got to work an hour early. When I ran into Brianne who had just gotten back for spring break, we chatted for a while. After work I went on a long drive just to think. Then Sunday another sleep in day I wasn't feeling well and Jose finished my shift for me. After being tanterised by Stephs brother in Law Nick who found out about one of the nights I regret:

And then asked on a date, refused him. And then he threatened to kill me, I told him to stay the Fuck away and I'm going to the cops. He said he was sorry and he only has a crush on me, he really is sorry and will leave me along. blahblahblah. Brianne and I went on a long walk to Ondys house chatted with her for a while, the headed home. After Hannah called I went over to her place and we looked at peoples crap on my-space. It saddens me how fake people are :(. And then I relised that I wasn't being any better than the people I cannot stand in this world. So I sent Scot a txt, he responded again deflecting any of his fault (I'll put the conversation up later). I sent back calling him out on it all, he didn't respond. But then left a comment on my face book status:

I just want to know if rhere's any real people left in this world, besides myself.

Scot-no one is perfect sometimes to them they are being real as they can be. not everyone is as amazing as you are britt.

 

IDK what thats supposed to mean, but it sounds to me like a stab...jerk. Any way after not sleeping at all I went to school at 10, and ran some more erinds. Cheer at 3-5:30 coaching, then work. ANother trip to walmart, die my hair, home work, make posters, sleep at 5. Missed school :( and got woken up by Steph calling me for the posters. Ate some breakfast and headed to school to make up my work. When I watched Philadelphia  witch is one of the most amazing movies I've ever seeen! I'll put up my response once I get it back from my professor, Lara. More work, nap then a sleep over with Brianne! O how I've missed her!! AND guess who came over for a bit :) Blake :)) HES SO CUTE! But to damn quite. Ha so then I went to cheer where my girls made tremendous improvement and I've just finished up loading their photos/ videos for the banquet. Now I'm off this damn computer.

What a day

Produtive day:
Wednesday was a very good day! Such nice weather,  & good buieness at work. I fit into a shirt I out grew 2 years ago. Nailed my mock interview (hopefully that will help my grade since I've been absent so much!). And felt pritty confident about my final in Med. Insurance. When I got home, the boys and I tried to find some where to go swimming, didn't happen. I decided it was time for a nap since I had getten up at 4 am (by the way took me 2 hours to find something to wear for my mock interview). Once I was up from my nap it was time for some streching then off to work. At work I trained a new employ. I think I did well :) haha. I also got a txt from Scot saying :
There I did it, I did it for you.
If I hadn't gotten a txt from Hannah saying that Scot txted her I would have no clue what he was talking about. Then I might have let curiosity get the better of me and broke my rool about not txting him back. After work I went over to Hannahs and talked for a bit. Just have to add, I love her bed! haha. She read me the txt from Scot. And he was right, it didn't change a thing. But only because he didn't want it to. All his txt where self rightous. He didn't accept and of his own responibility, but justified his reasionings. He's SUCH A CAD!
Besides the point wasn't for him to do it for me. What's the point of learning from people if you're not going to make the change? He only did it to prove to me that it wasn't going to change anything. And the reason it didn't change anything is cause of his addiction to being right!!! This does makes sence... IE haha.  He didn't do it for the right reasons, and the summ of it didn't equal the dividend. Either way, it shows me that he hasn't changed. He still wants to be right. And he's still going to treat me like he's most important. Not good, even in a friend ship. So I'm still done with him. If he really cares about me, even as a friend, he'll be as persistant as I was. But like I said before, I doubt that will happen. He's to selfish about his own feeling, thoughts, and opinions.

Well after waking up at 2 in the afrnoon:
I missed a finnal. I know I know. Then I just sat there and balled for an hour missing Austin. Damn, I thought I was over it. Finally got myself together and got ready for the day. Ate some breakfast while being interigated about my driving record and all my tickets (but mom wouldn't give me an exsplnation).  Then spent a long after noon running erinds: Sonic.. pick up check and prit of mothers' been asking me for. Bank..then to pay my cell phone bill. Ran back home to pick up some stuff and give mom the print off, and found out enfurating news.
Sheridan (who's down in St. George, or Vegas according to myspace) got caught driving a males car, speeding, with out her licence. But guess who's name is on the ticket, MINE!!!!!!!! As if that didn't piss me off enough. Mom and Dad accually want me to take it on for her, cause it's going to cost to much if she confesses. RIGHT, make her get a job and pay for it. You made me pay for all my shit in high school, they have let her off with her responibilities and she's not learning. I'm not taking the hit for it, it stay's on my record for the next 5 years. I was pissed!!! ANYWAY...
I got this hair remover and it gave me a rash. Spilled my exspenve body oil I just bought, then decided to hit the mall. I couldn't find any pant that weren't skinnies and torn. Except the $80 from Dillards. Then KC had to cancil cause he had a wedding at work. And I had a head ace.
So to say the least, I've had better days. Hopefully tommarrows one of them.

Bye bye

So neer the end of work Scot came in and talked to me while I closed. Then I went over to Hannah's cause she saved me some deviled eggs from dinner :) what a sweet thoughtfull friend she is! :) haha. I told her how Scot came into work and she went off about how she thinks about him on a daily bases, and she really just wants to know what she ever did to him. I told her to send him a txt with all her feelings and thoughts. She sent him like 9 or so cause he wasn't responding. But he was txting me back about our plans for Monday, even tho he knew I was going to her house. We watched Sweet Home Alabama, what a cute movie! And then I went home to get some sleep. Just before I went to sleep Scot decided to ask me what all the txt from Hannah was about. I told him:
I don't want to get in the middle of it, you're both being very good to me about it all. But she has a very very valid point. None's asking you to be her friend, just give her the truth. I don't care if you think people can't handle the truth, it's ALWAYS best. (or something along thoes lines)
He said it wasn't going to change anything.
NO ONE FREAKING said it had to! How in the hell does he know that?! He dosen't know SHIT about people! He secludes himself from the world!!  That's another thing I cannot stand about him, it's always just him and I... or our families. I want to be able to meet people, experience things, and if a boy doesn't want to do that with me then top reason not to date him.
So I told him that I was leaving everything in his hand. Thank you for showing me that all males are the same, know it alls. And that I want NOTHING to do with them as fare a marriage goes. And that it wouldn't be hard for me to say good bye to him, since he's no difference than the others. Little did I know Hannah had txted him saying grow some fucking balls or your going to lose her.
The next day (Monday) didn't go well either. After telling me that he had the whole day free, he yet AGAIN had something to do, OOO but he wanted me to come with him. WTF?! Why does my opinion not matter?! I don't want to go to a dinner at your friends parents house where the mother is a physico who hates my family. But no, it's what he wanted to do. And it was more important. SO he decided that he'd meet me after 7, what ever fine I had shit to get done any way. 7 rools around and no word from Scot.
"sorry we haven't eaten yet we just made the food, this is why I wanted you to come."
This wasn't in our agenda, it's not what I wanted to do. I'm not comfortable with it. And I don't mean to sound selfish but it's a repetitious paturn, and I'm so done with it. I made other plans and ditched him. I went to a movie with Hannah and Cole. Cole is such a stress reliever, he just gets things. He knows how this world works. But for some reason, I'm not attached to him in any emotional matter.
 
Is there something wrong with me? Why do I always find myself attracted to the screw ups? That's not true always... maybe it's why I was so in love with Austin, cause he was the closest thing to normal I had interested in. It's like a family trait, all the women back to my mothers mom got married to mentals. Grandma's friends aren't even very close to sanity. Love that women to death, but she just can't pick them. It's like out need to help the world or something, lost souls you know?? I remember how mad Austin would make me, other the littlist things that showed me he was like my father. I think that's my greatest fear, endeing up like my mom and dad. I definitely have male security issues, among being an independent female.
Any way, the rest of the night went well and it was nice to be around sain people. Altho Hannah laughs at goor...odd girl. And I've decided I'm going to stop talking to Scot, I don't know any one in this world I fight with more often. He's shown me how not worth it I am to him, so I'm going to leave him with a tast of his own medicine. Frankly I don't think he will care, all the more easy this will be. I'm not going to come craweling back like I did before. Even a retard don't burn it's hand 3 times. Besides acording to Camron he's got another 'babe', what a player. Guess I can't be talking... I haven't told him the hole truth about Cole. OR Brandon... yea... OPS. I just didn't feel like it was something I could talk to him about.
ANYWAY, I'd say this is all just me. But I can have normal friend ships and don't freek out at others like I do him. So it's obvious our chemistry just aint flying. I've got a life to live so I'm saying peace.


Sotoday after getting to bed around 3, 6 am awake. school at 8. Home by 11. Eat, chat, naps, work. AND a movie with my little siblings. Gots to love my family, well 98% of them. Now I'm going to study for a final, and get my but to bed! Latter cyber world.