Break Free

Why does everything with that boy happen so Ironically, even if it's three years later. I feel like my life is on a repetitious cycle. His first born came on my brothers birthday, it was also one of the best nights of my life. Our lives are linear, beyond comfort. The pain is gone, but even still reminiscing makes me ill. 

I need to break free. Stop being so safe and cautious. Happiness is not created, it is found.

And that is enough.

I could tell you what I am ( a writer, a student, a teacher, a tumbler, a pianist, a dancer,an aquatint, a friend, a best friend, as well as an enimie, a daughter, a niece, an aunt, and a female). I could preach to you all my experiences, and how they constitute my life's theory's and  beliefs. I could flaunt my achievements, and flatter you with all I aspire to be. I could admit my imperfections. And list to you my hobbies, interests. You could take an inventory of my music and books.  But even then you still would not know who I am. So all you really need to know is that I am only.. me.

Language is arbitrary, but literacy is not.

In art history today we discussed the value of "master pieces" what qualified them to be deemed so. The only substantial answer we where able to establish was the irrefutable dedicated work that signified these items. We learned that there was a process with in AH (Art History) called cannon. The theory of the canon, that there is a created or standard of judgement, is found threw out societies and may be called law and justice. Language is used to integrate concepts to the public of the formulating cannons- other wise known as media allegory.
Historically we understand that there are underlying principles used as general tactics with in the social classes. Philosophers introduced those tactics to the public for exploration, and evolutionary developed a social intelligence. This has been come a rising issue with the social class separation that we see advancing in here in the west, abounding equality has pronounced itself like the ever rising sun- it is something that should just occur.
How does a master piece become and obvious work of art? As we previously mentioned it is threw the dedicated work. Language is arbitrary, but literacy is not. Literacy was seen in the past as something that indicated you where part of the Elite, a master piece of society, and could allude what social class you belonged to. It was an indication that you have dedicated yourself to becoming proficient enough to those tactics, and may now lead innovating cannons of your own.
The development of economic stability was a forgo for the crisis of those who where conceived incapable to achieve proficiency. The way I see it, this forgo is the creation of inequality. Pride, as I have addressed in a separate diary, is not the perpetrator. Pride is what we value our work, and self being to thrive. Greed however is the culprit. The conception that we are distinctively individuals.
We a developed society, but not a greater. Filled with bounds of intelligence, as well as arrogance. We are more ignorant, and irritable.

About me.

Dealing with your past is hard, letting issues in your past not become the issues in your future is, possible, but even harder. When people bring up, or mention my dyslexia it's hard for me not to take it personally. It's an insecurity that I was humiliated by in my youth. Like every other living organism on this planet, I react initially based on what I've been conditioned by.
I was right about how you where acting, I was wrong about why you where acting that way. All to common, I know. But the things that matter are the things that I don't  know; that you wont tell me, and I can't ask.

Writing my lyrics

When ever something in my life is event full I express it with various medias of art. Dance is what I use to physically express myself. It substitutes for the words that should be said, but would be miss understood... I guess it's like me figuratively saying: You can't hear what I'm feeling, can you see it? And when I write it's me saying: You can hear what I'm saying, but do you understand?

Their greetings where made with promises.

They met with eye's that couldn't open, and mouths that wouldn't shut.

What was heard, wasn't what was felt.

What was said, wasn't what was felt.

See don't speak.

Say something.

Ground your roots.

Dissipate clearly.

But for the short amount of time, it was taken freely.

Sheets that spent the cost of their image. 

Face the horizon and act nonchalant.

Soil in what had rotted, bloom in modern energy.

See don't speak.

Say something.

Ground your roots.

Dissipate clearly. 

The irony of the things that we don't say

to each-other against the things that we do.

The battles that we choose to fight,

and the wars we loose.

The lost hope that devastates dreams.  

This time, what I want people to understand is this: people are still only going to hear, see, or feel an image that is entierly differen't from yours. That each of us are battling our own imperfections, and it's humiliating enough to deal with the critisim, much less the mockery.  I guess what I'm saying is that I wish society would be more constructive. 

Fiction, and fact's #2:

Near the end the the semester in psychology we discussed the ego. I came to the realization that Society is the functioning of vast alternative egos operating to improve the circumstancial centeral ego.The conciquence of self actualization is that it is not the individual, but the comparison of many individuals. The influence of social contracts that accounts for our ability to satisfy (or disatisfy) self actualization, is that which we call emotion. Love must there for be the continuing performance of a stable contract to satisfy ones self. There is no fault in pure vanity; for it is the ability to overide ones emotional state with a ratlional amount of the logical assement that determines what is now the applicable force to our social contract. Social wealth becomes then our power to adjust our resources as both beneficial and beneficiary. 
Understanding this may help you understand the actions exhibited by the different personality's with out taking basic psychology or even knowing the classifications of the mental process-ices. When properly understood it has the power to lighten your social stress, and preserve your dignity of personal worth. There's little that we can accomplish alone, this is why I pride myself in indulging in humility; using the ration of my vanity to utilizes it's self. Commonly we state that confidence is key, and I would add that perseverance is the secret. The exhibition of identifying the consequence that will remain to account for the ego. Happiness is then how we  identify with those remains that satisfy's the ego.
Divorce may be occurring in ability to satisfy each parties ego as highly benefited. Keep in mind the identity of self worth, a comparison that is accumulated threw the unconscious abilities feed vanity. When one feels that their central ego is lost in the vanity of another they with draw. 

Fiction, and facts

So it's not old news that divorce rates have been rising since the late 60's, where it rose from .2% and by 7.1% in the late 90's, and is now at 50%! What are the causes, Can it be changed? Is love really unconditional, or is it fiction? I am accepting the challenge of exploring these questions and more threw articles, psychology, art, and societal opinions.

"I swore I'd never fall again
but this doesn't even feel like falling
gravity can't forget
to pull me back to the ground again"
-halo, beyonce.

"I thought I had it all figured out, I did
I thought I was tough enough to stick it out with Kim
but I wasn't tough enough to juggle the two things at one
I found myself laying on my knees in cuffs
which shoulda been a reason for me get my stuff and just leave"
-Say goodbye holly wood, Eminem.


What makes women susceptible to "any man is better than no man at all"? Why does it hurt when relationships end for some, and not for others? How does it seem that you are a less likely candidate, and loose to a partner that seems completely wrong? Are the games of chase, and sex wrong? How far does emotion truly influence our relationships?
How is it that the country's that are predominately christian, have the highest divorce rates? And what is the rate for standing relationships in other counrtys who do not validate mirage as a necessity. Are men truly dis-attached from sex? How do paligimst a) not get STD's and b) live 'happily ever after?'

Science has proved that the theories of "sexy" aren't completely social dominate as we take them to be. From our physical appearances to things that make us unique can cause our mate to become attracted to us. So what does this have to say about homo-sexual s? Because there is evidence to support that Homo-sexual people are 50% more likely to have siblings that are, this could support that  their wires are actually running a different path.and that it is not always a 'state of mind' that causes these individuals to become attracted to the same sex. But the better question is, that is there an external factor that is causing these fetuses to develop to this nature?

Liberties that contradict nature's ability to produce off spring has become a rising battle in the US. Do these individuals actually have 'rights' to raise a family? And can we force them to under go treatment, like we do achoholics and druggies to 'correct' their problems? Well, that's like saying only those who have the highest 'IQ' are allowed to work; not a single one of us had properly functioning motor systems. There are those among us who are fantastic at book work, and those who perform better physically. But we don't necessarily discriminate against  their ability's to perform with in society, rather we hold them to an expectation that will better their abilities. 

Just like we all have different strengths with in our motor systems, we all have immanent social strengths. As a child we have what is known as attachment styles: -secure -avoidance -ambient -& disorganized. It is important to remember that while we cannot predicate a superior motor ability, the same is with our social strengths. But this does not fall away from our ability to recognized their explicit representational consequences. Consequences that can be desired, or feared based on what we perceive the produced effect will be. 

The problem with love is that there's allot more factors that contribute to the ever lasting desire for commitment. It's more than just a fixated ability to satisfy lust, and the ambulant interpretation of emotion.